The Best Cake I've Ever Made. Ever.

Ugh, I'm 30 as of yesterday.  And our pipes froze yesterday morning which caused some kind of electrical short which means after two days we definitely have hot water but maybe not cold water (waiting on Reid to emerge from the basement where he has been working on it) and the water to the laundry room and basement bathroom is shut off.  

But, I do think I've made the very best cake of all times for my birthday.  It has a chocolate cake layer that uses just a little cocoa in the batter but makes up for it with lots of chopped up dark chocolate stirred in.  Then the frosting almost tastes like a whipped cream with body to it (which it basically is because I used two cups of heavy cream on top of the butter) with Almond Joy inspired add ins of toasted almonds and coconut.

 I served it with coffee ice cream.  And by serving it, I mean I cut a hunk of it for my father in law starting the day before my birthday and have since mostly just passed by and eaten a chunk of it with a fork every now and then.  Honestly, I'm kind of ready to just get on with the year and get down to serious 30's business.  Or at least take a hot shower. 

Kat’s 30^th Birthday Cake

Ingredients:

3 sticks organic butter, softened

2 ¼ cup organic evaporated cane juice

2/3 cup packed lt. brown sugar

4.5 cups all purpose, unbleached flour (King Arthur))

1 cup fine almond meal (Bob’s Red Mill)

1/3-1/2 cup cocoa powder (Hershey)

2 tbsp mocha powder or 2 tsp instant coffee (Ghirardelli or Nescafe)

1 Tbsp baking soda

1 Tbsp baking powder

4 tsp sea salt, fine

4 large +1 small pastured chicken eggs (or 9 small eggs)

2 Tbsp pure vanilla extract

2 cups nonfat Greek yogurt

2 ¼ cups raw buttermilk

17+ oz. finely chopped dark chocolate (Trader Joe’s pound plus bar); chop in food processor

Directions:  Whisk dry ingredients together. Beat butter and sugars together until light and fluffy.  Add eggs and vanilla extract.  Alternate flour mixture, buttermilk and yogurt.  Stir in chopped chocolate.

Bake convection 310 degrees (or 350-360 conventional).  Makes 2 thick 9” layers plus 3 mini cake layers (6-7” foil pans).  Do not overbake-pull toothpick out just before clean.

Frosting:

5 sticks salted organic butter, cut into pieces

2 lbs. confectioners sugar

½ cup dark cocoa powder (Hershey’s special dark)

1 pint organic heavy whipping cream

2 cups toasted almonds chopped in food processor with several grinds of pink sea salt (1/2 tsp?)

2 small packages of sweetened coconut (4 oz packages?)

Directions:  Whip butter several minutes-start with low speed and advance to high speed until fluffy.  Add sugar and cocoa powder and start on “stir’ speed.  Gradually add heavy cream increasing speed as mixture is incorporated.  Once desired consistency is reached, stir in almonds/coconut. 

Week 3: My Spouse's Needs

Okay, now I'm in territory that I feel more comfortable in!  What does my husband need?  I could cheat and go back through the handouts we did for homework in pre-marital counseling, but the truth is that his needs have changed some the same way mine have.  I often think about how different my life is than from five years ago, but my husbands life is very different too.  We're not the same people we married.  What he wants in a home is different than what he wanted as a bachelor (well, actually if he could move us all into a tent outside with an outhouse he probably still would).  When we met, I had a full time job and he was a full time student, finishing up his last round of clinicals where he walked a couple hundred feet to the therapy gym from the intern cottage where he was staying.  Now, he has a full time job and commutes an hour each way to work.  We have children and not so much laid back time anymore.

That moment when my husband gets home has changed now too.  When we were dating, we saw each other every day for two solid months.  I would get home from work and he would walk over and we couldn't wait to kiss each other.  Now, he slowly drives up and Josephine starts shouting "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy is home! Daddy home from work!"  I hate to admit it, but passionate kisses have turned into tag-you're-it hugs.

When we were dating, it was easy to think of Reid as a guest in my home because he actually was a guest in my home.  After we got married, I was the one who moved into his house. Until we painted the nursery it still mostly felt like I was living in his house, not ours.

So the goal of this week is to think of Reid as my guest again, my most beloved guest, in light of how we have both changed in the years since we've met.  I want my husband to LOVE coming home each day.  I don't want him to feel like he is coming home to chaos or to another job or to a frazzled wife.

I posted the questions below to use as a guide in my study of my husband's needs. And as I learned from my week of trying to meet my own needs, I'm not going to assume I know or try to read his mind.  I'm going to actually ask him!

What does he/she really need?  How can I make him/her feel loved in my home?  What physical needs can I take care of in my home?  What spiritual needs does he/she have?  How can I change my view of hospitality so drastically that my focus is on them rather than the things that have to do with me?

Best of luck to everyone this week!  Can't wait to hear how everyone's days turn out!

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey Week 2 Recap

What do I really need?  How can I make myself feel loved in my own home?  What physical needs can I take care of in my home?  What spiritual needs do I have?  How can I change my view of hospitality so drastically that my focus is on the other person rather than the things that have to do with me?

On the original post outlining this journey, I wrote that these were the questions I intended to ask each week about which person or group I was focusing on those days.  At the end of Week 1, I realized that if Jesus were a guest in my home, all he would need would be me.  No elaborate meal, no new ceilings, not even coffee.  Just all of me; not the stuff surrounding me.

I need: My savior, prayer, harmony with my husband and children, coffee, ideation with my siblings, visits with old friends, fellowship with "new" friends, long walks, lifting weights, dogs, fresh air, time to create, to cook lots of vegetables, a creative space, a clean space, lots of water, hair/face/makeup/nails, etc....(and I'm adding others as I think of them to my big kraft poster in the hallway!) 

At the end of each day when I look at my list, a good many of my needs are met and a good many are not.  I think I generally have greater expectations of what I will accomplish than what I actually can.  Several years ago, yes, but now-not so much.  As I've worked through what I need and what the reality of what my days are (busy, rushed, interrupted) versus what I want them to be (redeemed, fully present lived, expectant of God's plans not my own), I've had to critically look at what I can and cannot say "yes" to if I am to have days like I want them.

Recently, I've said "no" to a few things that are really big to me but just aren't right for our vision for our home or aren't right at this point in my life.  This is my season to live simply so I can live fully for my home. Simple schedules, simple wardrobe, simple meals, and not so grand of expectations.

At the end of this week, I've realized that:
1.) I can change the way I think about what my body needs by recognizing that my body is foremost a temple for the Holy Spirit and then belonging to my husband as well.

2.) I cannot rely on having my needs met by relying on anyone to read my mind.  That is the kind of pride that divides a home, not unites it.

3.) I need to accept this time in my life as being a simple season and continue to work diligently toward pairing down the things and responsibilities that make it complicated.

And on a final note for this week, I did finally get a haircut...Saturday morning with a pair of scissors in front of my bathroom mirror.  Thank goodness for long hair because I'm not sure my "layers" match up.  And I waxed my eyebrows the same way with a home kit.  Luckily, I wasn't aiming at perfection.  And since the nail salon is closed until the end of the month (not sure why), I went on and painted them myself.  #atleastItried

Love,
Kathryn

Week 2: Days 5, 6 & 7 Recap

To be honest, this has been a trying week with the exception of Saturday which was spent nearly entirely with the kids and my good friend.  I think I was so frustrated overall because I kept trying to "get" to the task of taking care of myself but it felt nearly impossible.  (I guess I must have thought that if I just declared this was "me" week, then the universe would shift and my schedule would clear and my two year old would do all the cooking and laundry while my husband nursed our newborn?)  Every time I would try to so something I needed, there was either some crazy interruption, a crying baby, or a toddler proudly showing me how to crack eggs...on the floor.

So last night, when I truly had accomplished nothing on my to-do list, I finally just had myself a little "come apart" and wailed about how I just couldn't have one free minute to do what I needed to do, for crying out loud!!  (I was longingly looking at a pile of clean clothes I wanted to fold when I said this.)  This was the point at which Reid helpfully pointed out that I should be able to get some housework done while the baby napped.  And then that was the point when I gently handed said baby to him, and then had the laundry folded, dishes washed and revenge plotted in about five seconds.  I can scrub some dishes when I'm angry.  I'm a not so merry maid.

A short time later, the catharsis was over and I remembered this:  I cannot rely on having my needs met by relying on others to read my mind.  (Or even reasonably expect my husband to read my blog apparently).  

At times this week I felt like I wanted to scream "People, don't rely on anyone but you to take care of you or you'll never get anything!"  But that is the prideful way out.  The reality is that we do need help from others at times,.  My husband is amazing, but he's still not psychic and I'm not even sure if he's great at Pictionary, so there is no way he is going to know how to help me if I don't tell him.  If I let pride get in the way of asking for his help, it will only breed bitterness in our home.  There isn't any value in being able to boast "I do everything for everyone in this house."  I want a loving home, not a bitter home.  So if I want to be able to meet my needs, I can't play charades.

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Week 2, Days 2, 3 &4 Recap

Oh sorry y'all, I haven't posted because I have been away at an incredible resort resting, going on a juice fast and smearing my entire body in Nerium.

So maybe not quite true but I have rested some (it used to be called "sleep" but is now broken up into interval "rests"), we ran out of juice so technically I've fasted from it and my friend Noelle did hint at a bottle of Nerium for my 30th birthday coming up in a few months so that I can then start lying about my age. So there's that.

But, things I really have accomplished in taking care of myself this week:

1.) I took a big piece of kraft paper and wrote "My Needs" in the middle and then wrote down things that if I get on a daily to weekly basis, then I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy.  I taped it up in our hallway.  Each week I plan to put another piece of paper up with the needs of who I'm focusing on that week. (Sidenote: Our hallway has been primed and ready to pain for over two years...I can't figure out a color but it is close enough to the white in our living area, so no rush and no worries about taping stuff to the wall, including Josephine's recent sticker obsession...)

2.) From this list I've been able to look at it and mentally check off what I have and haven't taken care of; which needs are easy to meet (coffee), which needs are harder to meet (working out) and which needs aren't getting met at the moment but will eventually (sleep).  

3.) I've continued with daily quiet time which has kept my thoughts so clear and focused.

4.) After a long day in Augusta on Wednesday at the pediatrician for well visits and a trip to Target that included Josephine sprinting away from me and screaming "Don't Hit Me!" while I chased her (so incredibly embarrassing!!) I decided I deserved coffee for the ride home.  I gave in to the hype and got a Pumpkin Spice Latte.  I thought I was taking a fall flavored Glucose Tolerance Test.  Ickly sweet.  But I did enjoy the large ice water I ordered with it which brings me to my real point that I've been drinking plenty of water. (on my need list, obviously).

Anyway, I knew coming into this that I could not possibly meet all my needs in one week.  But I also had never taken the time to really think about my needs before this week so I feel like even though I still haven't gotten my hair cut, I've made pretty good progress.  

Love,

Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Day 7 Recap

What an incredible week. I really hope that if anyone else is doing this along with me that it has meant as much to them.  I don't think I've breathed this well or thought this clearly in a really long time.

So bottom line, short and sweet, I've realized this about having a time to be still each day and focus on the Lord in terms of hospitality:

If Jesus were a guest in my home, what would he need?

And the answer is this:  All he would need is me.

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Week 2: "Take Care of Yourself First"

This is the "Take Care of Yourself First" week.

I've been pretty excited about it-my hair, face and toenails have been excited about it too because I need a haircut, eyebrow wax, moisturizer and a pedicure.  All of these things I've put off, thinking I would have some great "spa day" after the baby was born.

Well, my sweet baby is 2 months old today.  And my hair is "religiously" long, meaning it looks like I've taken an oath to never, ever, ever cut it.  I thought I would at least get a pedicure today, but instead I opted to come home after working at the hospital and do laundry, dishes and cook dinner.  I know that getting my nails done is not one of Maslov's basic needs, and surely I can be self actualized with unpainted toenails, but I really didn't have an excuse not to go.  I even had a gift certificate that someone had secretly given to me (it showed up in an envelope in the container where I put bills but so far everyone has denied it.  So if you're out there reading this: Thank you!). I started to feel like perhaps I had a problem feeling guilty about taking care of my own needs, but bottom line is this:  Really, I think I would make a fantastic Amish woman.  No makeup, same dress style every day, no worries about haircuts?  Sign. Me. Up.

While I was home and had dishes/laundry/dinner going, I was able to have some quiet time and tried to think about what my needs were.  On Facebook today, I asked this same question and encouraged everyone to think of it like writing a "care manual" for yourself. So before today, I thought this would be the week where I focused on "getting a little pretty back" post-baby.  And then when I got to today, I really couldn't come up with what my real needs actually were!  So I started googling "taking care of yourself" and "basic needs" because, of course, the internet knows me better than I know myself.  I came across everything from the Self Love camp trying to make us all demi-gods demanding self worship to the Extreme Martyrdom camp where piousness also leads to self worship.

Why was this so hard?  Why couldn't I provide an answer for what I needed for MY body?

And then it hit me:  Because it's not my body.  

First and foremost, it's a temple where the Holy Spirit dwells.  Then it's my husband's body.  Then it's my body.  In the same way, Reid's body is first a temple for the Holy Spirit and then mine and then his.  

So as I go through the rest of this week, which was going to be all about "me," I realize I would likely take a lot better care of myself if I viewed my body as it should be-a temple for the Holy Spirit.  If I feed my children well, if I make sure Josephine goes to bed on time even when she doesn't want to, if I scrub her face and brush her hair-how much more would I take care of the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit?

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

How do I meet my needs from this perspective?  Looking forward to a lot of time in the car tomorrow to think about just this.

Love,
Kathryn