Week 2: Days 5, 6 & 7 Recap

To be honest, this has been a trying week with the exception of Saturday which was spent nearly entirely with the kids and my good friend.  I think I was so frustrated overall because I kept trying to "get" to the task of taking care of myself but it felt nearly impossible.  (I guess I must have thought that if I just declared this was "me" week, then the universe would shift and my schedule would clear and my two year old would do all the cooking and laundry while my husband nursed our newborn?)  Every time I would try to so something I needed, there was either some crazy interruption, a crying baby, or a toddler proudly showing me how to crack eggs...on the floor.

So last night, when I truly had accomplished nothing on my to-do list, I finally just had myself a little "come apart" and wailed about how I just couldn't have one free minute to do what I needed to do, for crying out loud!!  (I was longingly looking at a pile of clean clothes I wanted to fold when I said this.)  This was the point at which Reid helpfully pointed out that I should be able to get some housework done while the baby napped.  And then that was the point when I gently handed said baby to him, and then had the laundry folded, dishes washed and revenge plotted in about five seconds.  I can scrub some dishes when I'm angry.  I'm a not so merry maid.

A short time later, the catharsis was over and I remembered this:  I cannot rely on having my needs met by relying on others to read my mind.  (Or even reasonably expect my husband to read my blog apparently).  

At times this week I felt like I wanted to scream "People, don't rely on anyone but you to take care of you or you'll never get anything!"  But that is the prideful way out.  The reality is that we do need help from others at times,.  My husband is amazing, but he's still not psychic and I'm not even sure if he's great at Pictionary, so there is no way he is going to know how to help me if I don't tell him.  If I let pride get in the way of asking for his help, it will only breed bitterness in our home.  There isn't any value in being able to boast "I do everything for everyone in this house."  I want a loving home, not a bitter home.  So if I want to be able to meet my needs, I can't play charades.

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Week 2, Days 2, 3 &4 Recap

Oh sorry y'all, I haven't posted because I have been away at an incredible resort resting, going on a juice fast and smearing my entire body in Nerium.

So maybe not quite true but I have rested some (it used to be called "sleep" but is now broken up into interval "rests"), we ran out of juice so technically I've fasted from it and my friend Noelle did hint at a bottle of Nerium for my 30th birthday coming up in a few months so that I can then start lying about my age. So there's that.

But, things I really have accomplished in taking care of myself this week:

1.) I took a big piece of kraft paper and wrote "My Needs" in the middle and then wrote down things that if I get on a daily to weekly basis, then I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy.  I taped it up in our hallway.  Each week I plan to put another piece of paper up with the needs of who I'm focusing on that week. (Sidenote: Our hallway has been primed and ready to pain for over two years...I can't figure out a color but it is close enough to the white in our living area, so no rush and no worries about taping stuff to the wall, including Josephine's recent sticker obsession...)

2.) From this list I've been able to look at it and mentally check off what I have and haven't taken care of; which needs are easy to meet (coffee), which needs are harder to meet (working out) and which needs aren't getting met at the moment but will eventually (sleep).  

3.) I've continued with daily quiet time which has kept my thoughts so clear and focused.

4.) After a long day in Augusta on Wednesday at the pediatrician for well visits and a trip to Target that included Josephine sprinting away from me and screaming "Don't Hit Me!" while I chased her (so incredibly embarrassing!!) I decided I deserved coffee for the ride home.  I gave in to the hype and got a Pumpkin Spice Latte.  I thought I was taking a fall flavored Glucose Tolerance Test.  Ickly sweet.  But I did enjoy the large ice water I ordered with it which brings me to my real point that I've been drinking plenty of water. (on my need list, obviously).

Anyway, I knew coming into this that I could not possibly meet all my needs in one week.  But I also had never taken the time to really think about my needs before this week so I feel like even though I still haven't gotten my hair cut, I've made pretty good progress.  

Love,

Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Day 7 Recap

What an incredible week. I really hope that if anyone else is doing this along with me that it has meant as much to them.  I don't think I've breathed this well or thought this clearly in a really long time.

So bottom line, short and sweet, I've realized this about having a time to be still each day and focus on the Lord in terms of hospitality:

If Jesus were a guest in my home, what would he need?

And the answer is this:  All he would need is me.

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Week 2: "Take Care of Yourself First"

This is the "Take Care of Yourself First" week.

I've been pretty excited about it-my hair, face and toenails have been excited about it too because I need a haircut, eyebrow wax, moisturizer and a pedicure.  All of these things I've put off, thinking I would have some great "spa day" after the baby was born.

Well, my sweet baby is 2 months old today.  And my hair is "religiously" long, meaning it looks like I've taken an oath to never, ever, ever cut it.  I thought I would at least get a pedicure today, but instead I opted to come home after working at the hospital and do laundry, dishes and cook dinner.  I know that getting my nails done is not one of Maslov's basic needs, and surely I can be self actualized with unpainted toenails, but I really didn't have an excuse not to go.  I even had a gift certificate that someone had secretly given to me (it showed up in an envelope in the container where I put bills but so far everyone has denied it.  So if you're out there reading this: Thank you!). I started to feel like perhaps I had a problem feeling guilty about taking care of my own needs, but bottom line is this:  Really, I think I would make a fantastic Amish woman.  No makeup, same dress style every day, no worries about haircuts?  Sign. Me. Up.

While I was home and had dishes/laundry/dinner going, I was able to have some quiet time and tried to think about what my needs were.  On Facebook today, I asked this same question and encouraged everyone to think of it like writing a "care manual" for yourself. So before today, I thought this would be the week where I focused on "getting a little pretty back" post-baby.  And then when I got to today, I really couldn't come up with what my real needs actually were!  So I started googling "taking care of yourself" and "basic needs" because, of course, the internet knows me better than I know myself.  I came across everything from the Self Love camp trying to make us all demi-gods demanding self worship to the Extreme Martyrdom camp where piousness also leads to self worship.

Why was this so hard?  Why couldn't I provide an answer for what I needed for MY body?

And then it hit me:  Because it's not my body.  

First and foremost, it's a temple where the Holy Spirit dwells.  Then it's my husband's body.  Then it's my body.  In the same way, Reid's body is first a temple for the Holy Spirit and then mine and then his.  

So as I go through the rest of this week, which was going to be all about "me," I realize I would likely take a lot better care of myself if I viewed my body as it should be-a temple for the Holy Spirit.  If I feed my children well, if I make sure Josephine goes to bed on time even when she doesn't want to, if I scrub her face and brush her hair-how much more would I take care of the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit?

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

How do I meet my needs from this perspective?  Looking forward to a lot of time in the car tomorrow to think about just this.

Love,
Kathryn

Hospitality Journey: Day 6 Recap

Well, at least they surprised us at church where we had clothes on and the children were dressed reasonably well, right?

Yep, after Sunday school yesterday morning I checked my phone and there was a text from my mom saying they had just gotten off at our exit and would see us at church. My jaw dropped and I showed Reid. Five minutes later, my parents walked into church.  Josephine clapped her hands and squealed "MeMom! Papa!" when she saw them.  Reid and I just squeezed our hands tightly together and exchanged glances in an "Oh my goodness, no they didn't!, but we'll smile and hold on tight to one another" kind of way.

We had a really nice day together regardless of the surprise and Reid didn't feel bad about working past dark on the tractor since I had eager babysitters who not only drove four hours for the job to work for a cup of coffee and a slice of cake. And, it did give me the opportunity after lunch to use my very favorite response that a reader posted on Facebook when I asked the question "What would you do if unexpected company drove up to your house?"  The response was to throw open the front door and announce, "Well, the mansion's trashed but come on in!"

I will honestly admit though that if this had happened the previous Sunday I might have politely waited until after church was over and then tell my parents just what I really thought of them showing up unannounced.  I mean, I love my parents dearly, but please! Come on, Mom, Dad- at least give me a little more notice so I can shove everything in a bedroom, lock the door and save face like my house was spotless and my life was perfect.  I don't want you to know that I really do.not.care that we toss clothes on the floor and they gradually make their way to the hallway where they then gradually make their way to the laundry room.  For your visits, mother dearest, I like to put all the clothes at least in the laundry room or lock them in my bedroom so you may continue to believe I wash, dry, fold and iron religiously.

And the thing about that thought is this:  Why does it matter so, so, so, so, so, soooo much what my mother thinks of my house?  God calls us to open up our homes.  He doesn't call us to timidly open our doors in fear of what others think of how we run our households.  He calls us to boldly swing open our doors and if we have to, proclaim "The mansion's trashed but come on in!!"  He gives us validity in the very fact that he created us in His image.  We are validated by this alone; not also by our homes, and not even what our mothers think of our homes.

The other thing that came up because of this:  Rather than Reid and I stewing all the way home from church and lunch or him saying something negative about his in-law's surprise visit, he just held my hand and laughed.  Then when we got home, he sprung into action and had the house picked up, laundry going and dishes washed in twenty minutes.  My heart swelled with gratitude toward him and when he did put his overalls on to go outside, he looked better than ever to me.

It turned out to really be true when they tell you to be careful what you pray for, because we actually do want to have the kind of house that doesn't shake with unexpected guests.  We want the kind of marriage that isn't divided into my life v. his life or my time v. his time or my family v. his family or my turn v. his turn. And we clearly got our chance yesterday to put that desire to the test.

So, thank you Reid, for your attitude and graciousness yesterday.  Thank you, Mom and Dad, for loving us and our children so very much that you would drive four hours just to spend an afternoon with us, and that you didn't call because you really didn't want me to stress over cleaning. I enjoyed yesterday immensely.  (But do call next time...)

Love,
Kathryn

8 Week Hospitality Journey: Recap Day 5

To be fully present in the present moment.

"...but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no." -James 5:12

We have just started doing the Washington Farmer's Market again (it's a lot easier to stand on your feet outside for hours when you're not pregnant and when it's not June, July, August or early September in Georgia).  Reid and I love being at this market-it's where Southern Scratch started and when we are there together it just seems more like getting together with friends than anything else.

So out of this whole week, being at the market was easily where I was "fully present in the present moment" of anywhere.  The weather was perfect, the baby slept the entire time and Josephine played the entire time.  Once we got back home, both kids went to sleep for a nap around the same time and I was able to sit on the front porch with our Sunday school lesson, my bible and a fresh cup of coffee.  Reid was in the yard getting everything together to take the tractor to work on clearing some fields/pastures in the back of the property.

It was totally serene, totally unusual and totally a complete opposite of the preceding week.

This verse above was close to where we were reading for our Sunday school class in James and it is what stood out to me on Saturday.  "...but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you will not sin and be condemned."  

As I've written earlier, focusing intently on carving out quiet where there is none has revealed all the different areas where I've spread my life out.  They are not bad things necessarily, but I find myself having to say "no" or "tomorrow" or "I haven't finished it yet because..." to something I had already said "yes" to doing today.  I think I'm not the only one who is full of good intentions and wants to do things sooo much, and do them sooo big, that they can't possibly do it all. This is an area I've gotten a lot better in since even before being married-mostly in the sense that I can recognize when I'm "so super excited" about something and so then try as hard as I can to keep my mouth shut before I volunteer to run it, cater it or donate all of my time/money/expertise/emotional energy toward it.

It's still a struggle though because, thank goodness, I still get really excited about things and I really like doing. And that means that I'm alive, I'm creative, that I'm generally joyful and that is a very good thing.  But this verse reminds me that I must be in prayer because I must, must, must! pause.  I have to pause and consider my time and my commitments before my "yes" turns into a no.

I think a big part of creating the warm home I envision for our family is me being dependable in this way-my "yes" meaning yes and my "no" meaning no.  My husband and my children need to be able to count on me doing what I say I'm going to do.  My friends and family need to be able to count on me when I say I'm going to arrive at a certain time or help with a certain task.

So if I've followed myself correctly- prayer leading to pause leading to manageable days that better lend themselves to "present moment living?"

Love,
Kathryn

  

8 Week Hospitality Journey: Recap Days 3&4

This is going to be pretty short and sweet because it's past 11:00 pm I'm just now sitting down while some savory pumpkin bread dough is rising to sell at the Washington Farmer's Market in the morning.

So, yesterday I was here in Washington baking all day.  Today, I spent most of the day in Augusta making deliveries and running errands.

It was really nice starting off the day yesterday with a clean floor and a list of all the things running around my mind, but I didn't get all my baking done so I had to wait until after we had put the kids to bed to get back in the kitchen.  Another late night (like tonight).

I think the main thing I've noticed when I've tried really hard the past few days to focus on carving out some time to just "be still and know" is that I am "on" from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed.  There isn't time to just breathe and let my mind and body go for a little while built into my day-not in the beginning, not at the end-pretty much never.  Because of this, it's really hard for me to take things as they come and enjoy them for what they are.

One of the Facebook comments yesterday mentioned dishes as being a form of therapy for him.  That reminded me of a physician I knew in Columbus who didn't own a dishwasher.  He said that washing dishes with his children and now his grandchildren was a way for him to get to know them.

I liked both of these ideas a lot.  The first being totally present during even rote tasks like washing dishes or folding laundry (rather than your body going through the motions but your mind on the next ten things you have to get done).  The second the idea of doing tasks together with someone in order to nurture a particular relationship.  Clearly, this man could afford to buy a dishwasher, and he could have also done dishes alone or let his children do the dishes alone.  But by doing them together, he nurtured their relationship.  (I think the child rearing experts call this including your children in daily life).

Anyway, so here we are going in to day 5 tomorrow:
1.) A crazy busy life is no way to live.
2.) Make a straight path-keep my floors clean and my list on paper rather than my head where to-do collisions happen.
3.) Be more present at the task and at the person at hand. (Instead of body in one place and mind in another).
4.) Do tasks with my husband, children, and don't refuse help with dishes when I have company over!

Looking forward to the market in the morning!

Love,
Kathryn