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Monday, March 26, 2012

Taking Care of Business...

It is very hard for me to let go of things.

When I was little I asked everyone in my Sunday school class to remember my black lab who got hit by a car in prayer...every week for a year.  (Reid LOVES this story because it involves me as a very dramatic 4 year old.  Rest in peace, Frisky.)

I still have the stuffed animal dog that my dad gave me one time when I was sick even though my siblings crimped the ear and later ripped one of them off.  (Poor Frisky).

When my parents moved from my childhood home in Hoover, Alabama to Columbus, Georgia, I took pictures from every window in our house to remember what it looked like.  A week later our Welsh Corgi died. (I was 20 and felt as if my entire childhood had been lost within the span of seven days.  Again, rest in peace Frisky.  And yes, I did name every single pet "Frisky" until I was 24 years old except for a beta fish I shared with my roommate in college.  Kaitlyn-you took such good care of Fabio.)

It is also hard for me to say no to anything.  My mother is also unable to say "no" hence our insanely awesome as well as insanely busy childhood.  To me, saying "no"= opposite of super woman/lazy/not fun/boring/missing out/disappointing someone. I really, really wish that I could say "yes" all the time and had about 50 extra hours/day. But apparently that wasn't God's plan so I guess I'll have to deal with the 24 hours I've got.

So when I became my a mother I naturally continued to a) not let anything go and b) not say "no" to anything.

And when you do not let go of things AND keep on saying "yes" to everything...

...you end up being exhausted.   You end up with a life of lots of being busy and little real progress.  (And when you bring a baby, hormones and a husband who gets home late every night into the mix it apparently also ends up in lots of crying alone in your car so you don't wake up your baby.)   You end up putting the people you love the very most very last because they don't have a deadline attached.

Since Josephine was born I have wrestled so much with trying to figure out who I was now that I had a baby.  I love being a dietitian and the time I spend at the hospital.  I really love having my own little business.  And you all know that I really, really, really love my husband.  Not to even mention my amazing friends and family.  I felt like I didn't want to just be a "mom" even though my entire heart felt like it was being ripped out of me every time I wasn't with her. (Even though I have since found out it is like the HARDEST thing ever and being "just" a mom is apparently like saying "just an Olympic gold medalist"  or "just a rocket scientist.") 

I've heard myself say over and over again to Reid that "next week should be a little less hectic and I'll get to it then."  But the weeks do not get less hectic and the busier I am the further away I am from that complete peace that comes when you know you are diligently pursuing that which God has created you to do.  (And somewhere along the way I did learn that you can be working very hard and still be very much at peace!)

God promises that when I surrender everything that I think makes me who I am to Him, He will transform it into something far greater than I could ever imagine.

So, March 31st (this weekend coming up!) will technically be our last weekend being in the baking "business."  I have tried to keep things "small" since Josephine arrived but the orders keep coming and I keep saying "yes" which means saying "no" to time with my husband and baby.  Reid and I have thought a lot about what is most important to us at this phase in our life as well as looking forward to what will matter to us five, ten, and twenty years down the road.  Neither one of us want to completely give up "Southern Scratch" but neither one of us want to sacrifice a healthy and peaceful home or marriage for the business as it is.

So for now, we are going to go back to what started all of this in the first place-a chance to spend time together on Saturday mornings over good food and good coffee with people we love.  We are going to continue to set up a couple times a month at the Washington Farmer's Market with a small selection of goodies like fresh out of the oven cinnamon rolls, Sea Salt Double Chocolate Chip Cookies and Buona Caffe Artisan Roasted Coffee.  Unfortunately we are going to have to give up taking individual orders, catering, and the Locally Grown markets for now.  (Even though I LOVE my Athens & Augusta customers-you all will have to come visit us in Washington now!)

The time that I have that used to be tied up filling baking and cooking orders each day can be spent making sure I'm getting healthy meals on our own table and maybe even blogging more about how to do that in a seasonal, delicious, balanced way.  Reid even told me recently he wants me to start spending time doing something a little each day that I love, not just be working/baking/taking care of baby girl all the time. (Oh, how I love this man!).  

Although I'm obviously a little sad about giving up a part of the little business we've built together, we are so much at peace with this decision and excited about what it is making way for.  I am so incredibly thankful to all of the customers we've had and all the things we have gotten to experience together because of what we've done so far in our little business.  We wouldn't give anything for the people we have gotten to meet in all of this and are looking forward to many, many more Saturday mornings at the Washington Farmer's Market sharing a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.

Thanks y'all and see you on Saturday morning!