Okay, now I'm in territory that I feel more comfortable in! What does my husband need? I could cheat and go back through the handouts we did for homework in pre-marital counseling, but the truth is that his needs have changed some the same way mine have. I often think about how different my life is than from five years ago, but my husbands life is very different too. We're not the same people we married. What he wants in a home is different than what he wanted as a bachelor (well, actually if he could move us all into a tent outside with an outhouse he probably still would). When we met, I had a full time job and he was a full time student, finishing up his last round of clinicals where he walked a couple hundred feet to the therapy gym from the intern cottage where he was staying. Now, he has a full time job and commutes an hour each way to work. We have children and not so much laid back time anymore.
That moment when my husband gets home has changed now too. When we were dating, we saw each other every day for two solid months. I would get home from work and he would walk over and we couldn't wait to kiss each other. Now, he slowly drives up and Josephine starts shouting "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy is home! Daddy home from work!" I hate to admit it, but passionate kisses have turned into tag-you're-it hugs.
When we were dating, it was easy to think of Reid as a guest in my home because he actually was a guest in my home. After we got married, I was the one who moved into his house. Until we painted the nursery it still mostly felt like I was living in his house, not ours.
So the goal of this week is to think of Reid as my guest again, my most beloved guest, in light of how we have both changed in the years since we've met. I want my husband to LOVE coming home each day. I don't want him to feel like he is coming home to chaos or to another job or to a frazzled wife.
I posted the questions below to use as a guide in my study of my husband's needs. And as I learned from my week of trying to meet my own needs, I'm not going to assume I know or try to read his mind. I'm going to actually ask him!
What does he/she really need? How can I make him/her feel loved in my home? What physical needs can I take care of in my home? What spiritual needs does he/she have? How can I change my view of hospitality so drastically that my focus is on them rather than the things that have to do with me?
Best of luck to everyone this week! Can't wait to hear how everyone's days turn out!
Love,
Kathryn
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Hospitality Journey Week 2 Recap
What do I really need? How can I make myself feel loved in my own home? What physical needs can I take care of in my home? What spiritual needs do I have? How can I change my view of hospitality so drastically that my focus is on the other person rather than the things that have to do with me?
On the original post outlining this journey, I wrote that these were the questions I intended to ask each week about which person or group I was focusing on those days. At the end of Week 1, I realized that if Jesus were a guest in my home, all he would need would be me. No elaborate meal, no new ceilings, not even coffee. Just all of me; not the stuff surrounding me.
I need: My savior, prayer, harmony with my husband and children, coffee, ideation with my siblings, visits with old friends, fellowship with "new" friends, long walks, lifting weights, dogs, fresh air, time to create, to cook lots of vegetables, a creative space, a clean space, lots of water, hair/face/makeup/nails, etc....(and I'm adding others as I think of them to my big kraft poster in the hallway!)
At the end of each day when I look at my list, a good many of my needs are met and a good many are not. I think I generally have greater expectations of what I will accomplish than what I actually can. Several years ago, yes, but now-not so much. As I've worked through what I need and what the reality of what my days are (busy, rushed, interrupted) versus what I want them to be (redeemed, fully present lived, expectant of God's plans not my own), I've had to critically look at what I can and cannot say "yes" to if I am to have days like I want them.
Recently, I've said "no" to a few things that are really big to me but just aren't right for our vision for our home or aren't right at this point in my life. This is my season to live simply so I can live fully for my home. Simple schedules, simple wardrobe, simple meals, and not so grand of expectations.
At the end of this week, I've realized that:
1.) I can change the way I think about what my body needs by recognizing that my body is foremost a temple for the Holy Spirit and then belonging to my husband as well.
2.) I cannot rely on having my needs met by relying on anyone to read my mind. That is the kind of pride that divides a home, not unites it.
3.) I need to accept this time in my life as being a simple season and continue to work diligently toward pairing down the things and responsibilities that make it complicated.
And on a final note for this week, I did finally get a haircut...Saturday morning with a pair of scissors in front of my bathroom mirror. Thank goodness for long hair because I'm not sure my "layers" match up. And I waxed my eyebrows the same way with a home kit. Luckily, I wasn't aiming at perfection. And since the nail salon is closed until the end of the month (not sure why), I went on and painted them myself. #atleastItried
Love,
Kathryn
On the original post outlining this journey, I wrote that these were the questions I intended to ask each week about which person or group I was focusing on those days. At the end of Week 1, I realized that if Jesus were a guest in my home, all he would need would be me. No elaborate meal, no new ceilings, not even coffee. Just all of me; not the stuff surrounding me.
I need: My savior, prayer, harmony with my husband and children, coffee, ideation with my siblings, visits with old friends, fellowship with "new" friends, long walks, lifting weights, dogs, fresh air, time to create, to cook lots of vegetables, a creative space, a clean space, lots of water, hair/face/makeup/nails, etc....(and I'm adding others as I think of them to my big kraft poster in the hallway!)
At the end of each day when I look at my list, a good many of my needs are met and a good many are not. I think I generally have greater expectations of what I will accomplish than what I actually can. Several years ago, yes, but now-not so much. As I've worked through what I need and what the reality of what my days are (busy, rushed, interrupted) versus what I want them to be (redeemed, fully present lived, expectant of God's plans not my own), I've had to critically look at what I can and cannot say "yes" to if I am to have days like I want them.
Recently, I've said "no" to a few things that are really big to me but just aren't right for our vision for our home or aren't right at this point in my life. This is my season to live simply so I can live fully for my home. Simple schedules, simple wardrobe, simple meals, and not so grand of expectations.
At the end of this week, I've realized that:
1.) I can change the way I think about what my body needs by recognizing that my body is foremost a temple for the Holy Spirit and then belonging to my husband as well.
2.) I cannot rely on having my needs met by relying on anyone to read my mind. That is the kind of pride that divides a home, not unites it.
3.) I need to accept this time in my life as being a simple season and continue to work diligently toward pairing down the things and responsibilities that make it complicated.
And on a final note for this week, I did finally get a haircut...Saturday morning with a pair of scissors in front of my bathroom mirror. Thank goodness for long hair because I'm not sure my "layers" match up. And I waxed my eyebrows the same way with a home kit. Luckily, I wasn't aiming at perfection. And since the nail salon is closed until the end of the month (not sure why), I went on and painted them myself. #atleastItried
Love,
Kathryn
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